My Hopes and Reality

“Welcome back, Freida. What’s this confidential matter you mentioned?”

At the end of autumn, I visited the estate of Lord Henrik, the noble I had contracted with. Since he would soon grow busy due to the winter socialising season starting, he had summoned me to collect the mana stored within the feystones on my bracelet ahead of time.

During that visit, Lord Henrik had said, “It seems Lady Rozemyne has awakened.”

Lord Henrik’s younger brother is Lord Damuel, one of Lady Rozemyne’s guard knights, which puts him in a position to receive information rather early among the nobles. Of course, Lord Henrik would never share anything that was meant to be kept confidential. He only tells me the kind of details that any noble might eventually come to know.

“Grandfather, Myne has awakened, and she’s going to be attending this winter’s socialising season,” I said.

I had already told Lord Henrik that I was acquainted with Lady Rozemyne through our joint investment in the Italian restaurant, and that Grandfather—being the Guildmaster of the Merchant’s Guild—had also received direct requests from her, such as overseeing the maintenance of the monastery.

There weren’t many topics that Lord Henrik and I could discuss at length, so we often exchanged useful information about Lady Rozemyne as a shared point of interest. However, ever since she had fallen into a long slumber due to a potion called a jureve, she had rarely come up in conversation.

I was so happy to hear of her awakening that I shared the news with an uplifted heart—but Grandfather didn’t look particularly surprised. He simply stroked his chin slowly and thoughtfully.

“Ah, that… Benno had already discreetly told me,” Grandfather said. “He mentioned that Lady Rozemyne might send some kind of request to the Italian restaurant.”

…As I thought—the Plantin Company is still far closer to Myne than I am.

Even after Myne became the adopted daughter of the archduke, even while she was deep in her long slumber, their relationship hadn’t changed at all. I couldn’t help but feel envious of that.

“I wouldn’t mind even just a request… I just hope Myne contacts me soon…”

“Haa. Nobles are busy with the winter socialising season, aren’t they? You might not hear from Lady Rozemyne until spring,” Grandfather said with a wry smile, seeing how restless I had become.

He chuckled gently and added, “Don’t get your hopes up too much.”

Just as Grandfather had said, no messages arrived from Myne. Snow piled up, and the season of winter seclusion began. During this time, shops and workshops operated only with the leherl and apprentice leherls who lived in the same buildings, quietly working on tasks that could be advanced indoors. It was the season when people avoided going out as much as possible.

As an apprentice leherl in the Merchant’s Guild, I didn’t leave home for apprentice duties either. Instead, I spent my days learning both the workings of our family business, the Othmar Company, and the etiquette and knowledge expected of nobles.

It was the middle of winter, during a brief lull in the blizzards, when it happened. I was receiving instruction on business from Cosimo, my grandfather’s right-hand man, when the atmosphere in the house suddenly grew restless.

Both Cosimo and I looked up, turning our eyes toward the door just as one of the store’s leherl came to fetch him.

“Cosimo, Lutz from the Plantin Company has rushed into the store with an urgent letter. Master Gustav is calling for you.”

“Ah… Mistress Freida, I’m terribly sorry, but…”

“Please, don’t worry. I’ll come with you. If the letter came from Lutz, then it must be from the temple, no? It may very well concern me as well.”

I followed Cosimo to Grandfather’s office, where we found him at his desk, lightly pressing his fingers to his forehead as he read the letter.

“What was the urgent letter Lutz brought?” I asked. “Was it from Myne, after all?”

When I spoke, Grandfather raised an eyebrow slightly, handed the letter to Cosimo, and explained the contents to me.

“Once the blizzard clears, it seems there will be a summons from the archduke. This letter says they want to hold a preparatory meeting at the temple beforehand.”

“Oh my! Then please, allow me to come along as well!”

”…Absolutely not. I was summoned as the Guildmaster of the Merchant’s Guild to this pre-meeting before the archduke’s call. Even if it is Lady Rozemyne who invited me, I cannot bring you along.”

…Grandfather can be so unfair.

When Myne first entered the temple as an apprentice blue shrine maiden, I was forbidden from interacting with her. No one knew which blue priests she might become involved with, and there was no telling how that connection might affect my relationship with Lord Henrik, a laynoble. I understood that Grandfather was thinking of my future when he imposed that restriction—but it meant that all I could do was exchange a few brief words with Myne whenever she visited the Merchant’s Guild.

Then Myne became the archduke’s adopted daughter and took the name Lady Rozemyne. From that point on, I believed that interacting with her would be a benefit to Lord Henrik. That’s why I had my name listed as a co-investor in the Italian restaurant—looking ahead to that future.

But despite that, several factors prevented me from truly connecting with her: the archduke himself directly warned us at the restaurant not to take any actions that might disadvantage Lady Rozemyne; Grandfather was too busy overseeing the craftsmen during the monastery renovations to stay in touch with the temple himself and instead left all contact to Benno; and, above all, I had never received a personal invitation from Myne.

As a result, I had no real opportunity to meet with her.

…Myne is my only true friend.

I am already set to move to the noble quarter upon coming of age, so forming close friendships here has always felt impossible. I’ve been told my speech and manners are too refined, that I’m difficult to approach casually. And since I’ll soon be out of reach, most people seem to think there’s no benefit in forming personal ties with me.

The only ones who speak to me with any warmth are the women hoping to marry my older brother. But even then, their smiles and conversations fall strictly within the realm of social courtesy. There’s no deepening of bonds, no sense of equality in our conversations.

My relationship with Myne was entirely different. We were both afflicted by the Devouring, both in need of noble connections, and we could discuss business matters on equal footing. No one else has ever spoken to me like she did.

…Even I want to talk to Myne, and yet it’s always Lutz and Benno…

“Lutz still has contact with Myne at the temple, doesn’t he? I’m sure he’ll be present this time as well.”

I pleaded with Grandfather, determined to find some way to accompany him. Lutz is in charge of the printing operations within the temple, after all, and if Lady Rozemyne wants to hear the opinion of the Plantin Company, she’ll surely have him present.

I always keep all the latest information regarding the Italian restaurant in my mind, ready to be called upon at a moment’s notice—just in case I’m summoned too.

“No. If it were just a workshop matter, maybe—but this is a formal meeting, and we already know the archduke’s summons is involved. I can’t imagine they’d bring along an apprentice to such an important discussion.”

Grandfather refused me, and I couldn’t deny he had a point. Lutz has earned far more trust at the temple than Benno and is in and out regularly, but in the end, both Lutz and I are still apprentices. There’s no way we’d be allowed to accompany someone to a meeting summoned by the archduke.

Even so… I still believed Lutz would be present.

“Then I’ll give up for now… but if Lutz is there, please allow me to attend next time.”

I smiled sweetly as I said it—securing a promise from Grandfather in the process. I felt strangely happy, as though I might burst out the door and dash through the snow covered streets, just from the anticipation.

“Welcome back, Grandfather. So… was Lutz there?”

As soon as Grandfather returned from the meeting at the temple, I immediately asked my question. He glanced briefly at Cosimo, then gave a slow nod.

”…Yes, he was there. Though despite being still an apprentice, it seems Lutz is deeply involved in the Plantin Company’s operations. There were even moments when Lady Rozemyne directly asked for his opinion during the discussion.”

I looked up at Grandfather with a bright smile, delighted that things had gone just as I had predicted.

“In that case, next time—”

“But… I think the situation is probably quite different from what you’re imagining, Freida.”

”…Huh?”

“They said that their magic contract is going to be dissolved in the presence of the archduke. Lady Rozemyne ordered Benno to bring Lutz to the castle for that purpose.”

The words that came from Grandfather’s mouth were so unexpected that I couldn’t understand them right away. I tilted my head in confusion.

“Dissolving their magic contract…? Are you telling me that Myne requested that?”

Benno, Lutz, and Myne had formed that magic contract to prevent her from being taken away—to ensure she remained connected to the commoners of the lower city even after becoming a blue shrine maiden. It was meant to keep her anchored to that world.

“I just can’t believe it. That contract magic wasn’t even dissolved when she changed her name to Rozemyne. I don’t understand why it would be undone now, nor can I believe that Myne would want that—let alone give the order to Lutz herself… That’s just…”

Grandfather’s pale orange eyes looked down at me calmly as I stood there, shaken. After a moment of heavy silence, he let out a slow breath.

“We can’t remain in the same relationship forever. Each of us must accept the differences in our positions and conduct ourselves accordingly. Enough time has passed for such change to be expected.”

His quiet words pierced my heart.

Because what I longed for—what I still clung to—was exactly that relationship from long ago. If that weren’t the case, I wouldn’t have been this shaken by the dissolution of someone else’s contract magic.

”…Freida, you stubbornly continue to call Lady Rozemyne by the name Myne, but the commoner girl named Myne is already dead. Lady Rozemyne was raised in the temple as an archnobles daughter, recognized for her achievements and mana, and became the adopted daughter of the archduke. She is considered a different person entirely.”

“She’s not a different person. We know that…”

I had noticed it from the way her name had changed on official documents, and I had confirmed it with Benno himself. Lady Rozemyne is Myne. That’s precisely why Lutz and Benno are still allowed into the temple, and why they’re so deeply involved in the projects led by the archduke’s adopted daughter.

“That’s why I never strictly forbade you from calling her ‘Myne’ when no one else was around. But you still haven’t accepted Lady Rozemyne’s current position—you continue to seek your old friend named Myne. That’s why I can’t take you to the temple. The two of you are no longer the same—no longer just two children afflicted by the Devouring.”

Grandfather’s words struck me like a blow.

I suddenly realized—he had listed gentler, roundabout reasons before because he knew I wouldn’t accept it otherwise. But now… he had chosen to show me the reality, plain and direct.

To Lady Rozemyne, the adopted daughter of the archduke, I am nothing more than a commoner involved in business. And one day, I will become the concubine of a laynoble. Even after I come of age and move to the nobles quarter, I will not be of a status that allows me an audience with the archducal family.

“The Myne you wish for no longer exists. You, Freida—and Lutz, who is now being forced to dissolve the contract—have both reached an age where you must come to terms with that, whether you like it or not.”

Myne was the only friend I could speak to as an equal. For someone like me—who must one day go alone to the noble quarter after coming of age—she was a precious presence, one of the very few people outside my family I might have still met with afterward.

As long as I stayed involved with the Italian restaurant project she began, I believed there would always be a chance to see her again. But now I had been shown that even that hope might slip away, and I pressed my lips tightly together.

…I’ve been studying nobles, after all. Of course I understand the difference in our positions.

I understood it—but I didn’t want to understand. I wanted to stay stitched into that connection we had since childhood. I wanted to believe that, as long as I was involved in her business, I too might be granted the same exceptions as Lutz. I never imagined the contract magic between them would be dissolved, drawing such a clear line between the archduke’s family and commoners.

”…I truly don’t want to grow up.”

To me, she was the embodiment of a joyful, innocent childhood. Letting go of that connection—one I had clung to so tightly—must be what it means to grow up. I didn’t want to understand it, but I had known all along.

…It’s just that accepting it requires a little courage.

As I let out a sigh, Grandfather gently patted my shoulder in quiet comfort.

“You’re a clever girl. I’m sure you’ve known the truth for some time now. You just didn’t want to face it…”

“Forcing me to see what I didn’t want to see is simply unforgivable, Grandfather. If you want my forgiveness, then let me accompany you next time… I understand now. I truly do understand the difference in status between myself and Lady Rozemyne.”

”…Very well. You may come.”

Even though I had been granted permission to join him next time, I felt as though I had been left standing all alone in the midst of a cold, howling storm. The loneliness pressed heavily against my heart.